


Dangerous Clouds

by Marshmellow (orphan_account)



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-19
Updated: 2012-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-02 04:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Marshmellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy doesn’t know why, but suddenly he can’t handle how awful he feels. It only grows worse when some dumb super villain decides to use this against him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dangerous Clouds

There’s a dark swirling in Billy Kaplan’s head. Yes, a dangerous cloud threatening him constantly. Few know, no one can help and Billy tells himself he likes it that way. He tries to convince himself that he doesn’t need saving, that he can get by on his own. But really, what he wants more than anything is for someone to save him from himself.

 

Billy was finished with school for the week and all he wanted to do was crash on the couch for a few hours. Perhaps catch up with his boyfriend, maybe get some training done…attempt a heart to heart with Cassie and Kate.

 

He’d been meaning to talk to _someone_ about how horribly he felt lately and Cassie and Kate were the only two who noticed enough. “ _Just let us know if you need to talk_ ” they had said. This would mean starting the conversation would be much easier because he could just admit to their speculations.

 

Instead, he was detained by none other than John Kessler. _Dammit._ The asshole had been bothering him even more lately. It was getting emotionally and physically exhausting. He already had enough on his plate without dealing with this.

 

“Hey, Kaplan. I heard you were messing with one of my pals earlier.” Two of these “pals” nodded behind him. By messing with, Kessler meant accidentally ran into in the hall. Billy sighed. “I don’t take well to that.”

 

“It was an accident, I’m sorry, but I really have to get going.” Billy attempted to push past the idiot. Kessler wasn’t having any of it.

 

“No. See, I believe in _avenging_. Since you’re such a fucking idiot I don’t expect you to understand, but you’ll see in a moment.”

 

Oh the irony.

 

The next series of events was a blur. Billy just remembered _punching, kicking,_ and _fucking faggot, fucking gay ass_ and _not worth shit._ Then he was left behind the school for nothing. Just another day in the life of Billy Kaplan.

 

He was going to wait for a few minutes until he gathered up the strength to stand. He had already begun to catalogue his injuries when he heard some familiar voices.

 

“ _BILLY!_ ” Kate yelled once she caught sight of him.

 

“We were so worried!”  Cassie flew forward to hug him.

 

“Ow, ow, ow, Cassie, ow!” Billy winced.

 

“Oh sorry!” She let go and gave him a once over. “What happened to you?”

 

“Uhm…”

 

“Are you okay?” Kate followed up.

 

“Well…”

 

“Do you need us to get Teddy?”

 

“I’m…”

 

“Do you want a cookie? I have some-“ Kate reached into her pocket.

 

“No! I’m fine, I just…I need to…” He suddenly felt rather woozy. “Can we go somewhere else?

 

\--

 

After making sure that Billy didn’t have any serious injuries, they were huddled in a booth at a mostly empty ice cream parlor downtown and Billy was near hysterics at the need to just _talk_.

 

“Okay, Billy, you look like you’re about to explode. What’s going on with you?” Kate asked as they dug into their ice cream. Cassie nodded in agreement. They both looked highly worried and it made Billy’s heart ache.

 

“I…” Suddenly, he couldn’t speak. The words just couldn’t form and his mouth tasted like cotton. “I just…I don’t know. I’m feeling horrible. I feel like I’m not…” The feeling of not being able to talk was become all too frustrating so Billy buried his face in his hands and breathed in shakily.

 

“It’s okay, Billy, take your time.” Cassie said softly and rubbed him on the shoulder. She and Kate exchanged worried looks.

_Breathe in. Breathe out._ After a few more careful breaths, Billy finally felt like he could get something out.

 

“I’ve just been feeling really down lately, you know? Kessler’s been on my back even more these past few weeks and…I just feel like I’m not being enough for you guys. Not enough for Teddy…and I just…I don’t want to let you guys down. I don’t want Teddy to hate me, too.” Billy’s voice broke and he couldn’t speak anymore.

 

Cassie nearly cried at the sight of his distress. “Oh, Billy! Don’t feel that way! We love you, okay?”

 

“Teddy would never hate you.” Kate reassured. “Trust me, he’s whipped beyond belief.”

 

Billy had to laugh at that. Sometimes he wondered though. He wondered about if Teddy realised how much better he could do. He wondered when Teddy would leave for someone better, someone mentally and physically stronger. He wondered and waited and it killed him.

 

And he shouldn’t. It upset him because he _knew_ Teddy wouldn’t…but would he? The inner battle was a losing one.

 

“Have you ever talked with Teddy about how you’re feeling?” Cassie asked. The thought of having a heart to heart with Teddy on this topic made Billy cringe. He shook his head.

 

“No, and please don’t tell Teddy about anything that happened today.” Billy pleaded.   
  


“Why not? He could help you out.” Kate backed up Cassie. _Damn girls, always teaming up on me._

 

“Just…please!” _He would leave, I bet._ Billy was surprised at himself for thinking that. He should know that Teddy wasn’t going anywhere, he _should know that_. But he doesn’t and that scares him.

 

“Billy…” Kate sounded surprised at his insistence. She didn’t know how horrible this could potentially be. How could she not see? “He could help, okay? He knows you better than anyone.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why are you so insistent about this? He’s your boyfriend; he should be the first you go to with this.” Cassie said. Kate nodded.

 

“You don’t understand. I can’t tell him.” Billy almost panicked at the thought of being forced to tell Teddy. He was over-reacting, he knew, but he couldn’t control it. _What’s going on with me?_

 

“Billy-“

 

“If I tell him he’ll leave and I don’t…I have to go.” Billy stood suddenly, throwing a few bills on the table and fled. Kate and Cassie were scared by this point and once again exchanged worried looks.

 

\--

 

And so life carried on. Billy got harassed by Kessler, after-school hours were spent fighting crime, and the cloud grew darker. He couldn’t even be around Teddy without thinking about when he’ll be gone. It was getting annoying.

 

Kate and Cassie continued to harass him about taking his dark feelings to Teddy, and he continued to decline.

 

It was December 4th when the cloud turned into a storm.

 

Having already spent the whole day being tortured by Kessler, Billy really didn’t want to deal with some super villain called Destroxin. She claimed to use your worst fears against you (wow, how original), and Billy was just sick of villains who thought that dumb names made them legit.

 

An hour later, Billy was having second thoughts on his initial impression of Destroxin. She already had Cassie cowering and Eli screaming. _What is she_ doing _?_ Tommy was getting pretty close to breaking, but they fought on.

 

_IwanttostopDestroxinIwanttostopDestroxinIwanttostopDestroxin-_

He repeated this, chanted it. But then suddenly she was in his head.

 

_Your biggest fear isn’t anything tangible, is it Wiccan? No…abandonment issues. How cute._

Images flashed in his head. Teddy sneering at him. Teddy looking disgusted at him. Teddy hitting him. Teddy hating him. Teddy breaking up with him. The Young Avengers siding with Teddy and leaving him behind. Lonely. Oh, he was so _lonely._

 

They all _hated him_. These images were implanted like memories. They felt real.

 

_They hate you, Wiccan. You hold them back. They want you gone._

_IwanttostopDestroxinIwanttostopDestroxinIwantto-_

_They’re just afraid of your power. They’re afraid you’ll kill them if they leave. They hate you. They hate you. Hulkling hates you. I can read minds, Wiccan, I know._

_Iwanttostop-_

_I_ know _things._

_IwanttostopDestroxin_

And there was white.

 

“ _Billy_?” He heard above him. Where was he? What happened to that yellow lady with the weird name? What _happened_? He began jerking around to get a better sense of his surroundings.

 

“You’re in your room, chill out.” Teddy laughed. _Teddy was here?_

 

“What…?” Billy looked around to see that Tommy was also there, along with a napping Eli on a pissed looking Kate and a relieved Cassie. They all looked highly distraught and Cassie looked like she’d been crying.

 

“We were so worried!” Cassie rushed forward to hug him. Why was she…? They were just playing him. They were going to leave. He pulled away without reciprocating. Cassie looked hurt, but he didn’t feel sorry. _Why don’t I feel sorry?_

 

“Uhm…it’s just been a few hours since the battle but we still. Eli was having a panic attack before crashing.” Teddy said lightly. Billy didn’t believe him. Because they were planning on leaving just after this. This was their final goodbye. He knew. He didn’t know how. This scared him, this scared him something mad.

 

“Yeah.” Billy didn’t feel like talking.

 

He felt like dying.

 

“I’m sorry, can I please be alone?” Billy looked at his hands.

 

Everyone looked shocked. Billy ignored them. Kate woke up Eli who looked tired as hell. The entire group of them looked beat. After a moment of silence, they began to slowly shuffle out of the room, each whispering to each other.

 

_About you. They’re glad to leave._ The voice said. He grabbed his head.

 

“Billy?” Teddy sounded worried. _No, he’s not worried you idiot, stop making shit up. You want him to sound worried so he does. Be realistic._ Teddy sounded exasperated. He wanted to leave.

 

“Please, Teddy.”

 

And then he was finally alone. As soon as his door was closed, he began to chant.

 

_“IwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodie-“ Stop it, Billy, what are you DOING?_

“Billy, sorry, but I forgot my coat I’ll just-“

 

“ _Iwanttodie-“ Save me, Teddy, help!_

“ _Billy?!”_ Teddy ran forward from the door and tried to cover Billy’s mouth.

 

“ _Iwant_ to die I _wantto_ -“ Teddy jumped on Billy’s bed and tried to make him stop talking. There was a short wrestling match as Teddy finally managed to completely cover Billy’s mouth to keep him from…Teddy couldn’t even think the words.

 

“What…” By now, Teddy was crying. How could Billy want to…? What did Destroxin _do_ to him?!

 

Billy was sobbing violently into Teddy’s hand.

 

“If I let go…can you promise to talk _to me_? And not…” Teddy couldn’t finish.

 

Billy nodded. It was almost as if this snapped him out of whatever Destroxin had dumped into his head. Once Teddy jumped on him, Billy realised just what he was about to do. He sobbed more.

 

Teddy let go of Billy. They both sat up and Billy turned to face the blond. Teddy immediately pulled Billy into a loving embrace.

 

“Don’t…why did you…Billy!” Teddy cried into his shoulder. They were both shaking, leaning on each other.

 

“I didn’t…I mean I’d been feeling bad, but then Destroxin filled my head with these horrible thoughts and suddenly I couldn’t stop myself from…Teddy! I would never do that just…Teddy, help me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” Billy wept. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

 

“Why were you feeling bad?”

 

“It’s so stupid. It was just that Kessler stuff and…I was just so scared.” Billy held on tighter.

 

“Of what?”

 

“Everyone. I was scared Kessler was right, that I was worthless and everyone would leave. And then that _bitch_ got into my head and…I just…I thought I knew. I just _knew_ everyone was going to be gone. And if you guys left and I was worthless….I just….I don’t know why that happened. I don’t want to die, Teddy, I don’t want to die, please believe me.” The sobbing got progressively worse throughout his monologue. Teddy just held him close and kissed his head.

 

“Billy, you have to know that we love you. _I_ love you. I love you so _so_ much.” Teddy assured. “I love you and I need you and you’re not worthless at all. You’re worth so much more than that Kessler crap. I’ll beat him up for you, I will.” Billy laughed wetly. They both let go for a moment in order to collect themselves and wipe each other’s faces.

 

“I love you, too, Teddy. I’m so sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to apologise, please. I’m just glad I was here to stop you.”

 

Billy’s heart swelled with such love that he wanted to cry. “I love you so much.” He lunged forward and tackled Teddy with another hug. “Please don’t tell everyone else. I don’t want them to worry.”

 

Teddy nodded, holding Billy as close as he could. “Just talk to me, okay Billy? If you’re ever feeling down. Even if it’s just because your goldfish died or your pencil broke at school and you’re feeling down…just tell me. That’s what I’m here for.”

 

Billy nodded. He honestly was so lucky to have Teddy. “You really are the best boyfriend ever.”

 

“Naw, you are.” Teddy kissed him on the nose.

 

_I’m so lucky to have him._ They both thought.

 

Things weren’t going to change overnight. There were going to be problems, but they could deal. For now, the storm had cleared and they could handle the clean-up. That’s what family is for.  


End file.
